so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
