I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He shit in the fireplace
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
