I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
