i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
