I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
