god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
