Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
