ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
