I must be too annoying 4 u.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
