ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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