I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
