i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i barfeds in our rink
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
