i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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