I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
