I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
