White coat. Heels.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
