he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
