There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
