I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
