Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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