Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
