Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
