So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
