I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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