Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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