I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
