I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
