He told me they were just razor bumps!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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