just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
