do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
