pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
