You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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