Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
