she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
