Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
