Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
