i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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