chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
one might say we're banned from that church
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
