I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
