i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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