You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
