The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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