yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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