This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
