At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Fuck appropriateness.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
