i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
