My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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