clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Drake has all the answers
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
