Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
