Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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