When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
