would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
